EXISTENTIAL POEM #18

as you despise solitude
so you despise freedom
for only in the stabwounds of absence
your life will bleed free
a flowing ichor - smelling of valor - a bright red blood;
and only in the loneliness
and in the palace of mirrored walls
     can you be yourself
truly, without even the pettiest of exceptions.

as you avoid solitude
so you avoid freedom ---
a life
in the shackles
   of the world
      as it is ---

you subscribe
    to the dictum
     of intrinsic morality
and will die a loser's death.

does not a great bulk of our sorrows;
personal failures; disappointments;
betrayals; worthless efforts and the chronicality of spiritual suffering
  depend on the sociableness
  of our behavioral patterns
  and the human relationships
  that it springs forth?

loneliness is suffering
in the absence of human comfort ---
  sociability is suffering
  in the absence of loneliness and freedom;
  insoluble equation and paradox.

renunciate life ---
     it is yours to abandon;
repudiate the proposed intrinsic value
of its depressive and harrowing properties.

have you ever been told
that suicide is the
the summit of cowardice
   and that its apparent egotism
   negates and per se illegitimizes
     itself?

then let us call it the apogee
of freedom, and the personal terrorism
of responsibility;
   the hand
   that which breaks middle fingers 
          upward
   in mockery and renunciation.

the apparent immorality
of self-death,
   a cigarette butt 'neath
   our heels
suicide
is the most basic right
   of all---the voluntary death
     of the hero.