from The Longer Story

Now my soul have watchtowers, yet I weep tears of blood, saudade blood, over the base of the mountain. The mountaneous pneuma, I have heard, been told, will be arousing; morphine-like almost; alluring, seductive; like children through the eyes of the prophet. But this is no serene, bountyful valley - where is the eden I have been promised? Where is the solace; the concession of peace, the burial of ancient hatchets? I can not see the blooming flowers, the ever-bearing trees! The eternal light, the bliss, where is it? 

Down here, at the mountain-base - which I have travelled to find -  I can see a lot of anxiety, anguish, and self-contemptuous cogitation, I can see the cursed children of raped women playing violin on arms with razors... I see all kinds of decadence, brutality, denial... Down here, judges beg forgiveness to the executed, and fathers sell albino daughters to horny witch-doctors (I have seen it firsthand), but I can not figure where to go, on what kind of clandestine untrodden trail  I must set foot, in order to find Ebih, the mountain Ebih, which have been described as the abode of gods... where even the gutters are flowing with milk and honey... Countless many times I have heard humans from all castes of existence ascribe to the mountain, Great Ebih (as they venerate it), blissful and awe-inspiring qualities, and promises of happiness and solace are assured at the gates. 

People say that at the base of the mountain Ebih, even the nights are lighter than our days, and the sun always shine. The crops never die, and the water never poisons; Ebih - the original eden, the fortress of peace... I seek it and I have sought to seek it, I have read maps and I have stayed in the huts of the hermits; I have ventured to edges and coastlines, I have waded through swamps of doubt, I have kept all keys I have been able to find... I have followed instinct, I have followed elders, my mouth have been bent open and the soliloquies of lecturers ring still in my ear... I have bribed, I have tried to cheat, I have stabbed backs, I have walked over corpses, but I can not find it still! The Ebih of my dreams - symbol of perfect and unparadoxical harmony - a fraud? I feel fooled...  

"A citadel of human life I have become; a soft bud swelling with the ardour of existence."

- the last sentence of the longer story

ur "allt är smutsigt"

ta ingenting för givet -
allt är belagt med en hinna av smuts -
andra människors.
gift är botemedel; liv är död;
kärlek är krig; kyssar, ömhet – ett enda stort kvalm.
i ingenting finner sökaren inget, som är något, som finns.
allt existerar på satta villkor – som omstörtas som i nukleära explosioner – av reflexioner.

vatten og eld

"this is hiphop kid, shit is straight from the heart..."

you think of yourselves as having attained powers like those of the omnipotent God -
but is not the spectre redefining divinity, itself, a devil of sorts?
you think of humans - immunity, control -
the human - extinguisher of disease -
but what will happen when all antibiotics fail,
and the sicknesses will carress your embarrassed shoulders
in tasteless mockery?

2008

kill

225 mg anti-atheism

now, come on, arrogant atheist -
explain to me consciousness, the human mind,
without retorting to simple neurology;
"brain cells, synapses, bla bla"!
you explain what is happening in the brain
from a scientific, theoretical viewpoint,
but outside the realm of measurable physics
broods a something you can not explain -
atleast have the dignity to confess to it, the undeniable premise;
classical mechanics have never been, and will never be,
able to explain the marvel of consciousness,
which is the efflux into the material world,
from the great metaphysical something
we through the millenia have called god.
we have felt it, we have witnessed;
 we have been disturbed by its vehemence.

your conception of "god" is so tragicomically narrow-minded.

classical mechanics have never been able to explain
the mystery of consciousness.
you atheists are at war with abrahamitic dogma, a war you of course win.
only lepers carry crosses.
but you never take on the real enemy:
religion is not "omnipotent god on the clouds"
do not debase it to something it has never been
abrahamitic dogma is merely the persona of religion
a foolish, shallow attempt at presenting something to the world
that can not possibly be presented
without exercising faith.

you are right - there is no evidence for "god"
 - that is the point. it must not be.

don't tell me the intellectual content of this text,
as confessed and written down by a most human mind,
is the mere coincidental happening
of a billion-year "woops"...

unedited 2013 shit

Every human urge that is hereditary to us - and thus from us-  through the means of evolution, as evolutionary biology describes them, are small but lethal, poison-dipped arrows in the heart of the the Elect. These urges can be parted into two categories; physiologically necessary urges (individual survival), and evolutionary necessary urges (evolutionary survival). The first category is comprised of urges that is required for actual existence; for actual physical maintenance. These include sleep, nutrience, water, air, body temperature maintenance, to nurse wounds and infections if necessary, etc. Without these things, you, as a physical being, will cease to exist. Naturally, one can not ignore these because then you will cease to exist. You will die. On the other hand, the evolutionary necessary urges can be denied, for these urges have one sole purpose: to secure the future of the collective, and in extension, the species. The strongest of these urges would be 1) the sexual drive, 2) the drive for longevity, stability and security, and 3) the drive to defend and maintain the development and safety of one's community (this one oftenly works subconsciously); these three often work in symbiotic ways, like a chain of command; like a primitive fetter of cause and effect deeply rooted in the annals of human socio-psychology. They complement each other. People are given birth, and secured inside the stability of the collective; whether it be the family, the village, the society or the whole nation. Inside this community, the collective will nurture the child, protecting it, until it is sexually mature to produce an offspring of its own. Then, when he does that, his primary goal will be longevity and stability as to monitor the security and protection of his child. If something is threatening it, it will respond with aggression or flight, and would probably die in the name of securing his child from whatever danger that is challenging them. This is the nature of the world, and this is the nature of the humans. It was like this 10,000 BC and it is like this in the year 2013. At least for the vast majority. Things have gotten a little bit more complex, but the underlying pattern is - i would say - principally the same.

The evolutionary urges must be sublimated into some other psycho-emotional energy in order to elevate the spirit, if that is what one strive for. The sexual drive is spiritually worthless, and might perhaps be sublimated into power and aggression at the hands of the individuals free Will. I don't know if it is possible though. The best way to make good use of the sexual drive is to carry out the practice of numbing and suffocating it; this will serve as a means of empowering character and cultivating individual discipline. Other than that, sexuality may be just a mere outlet of satisfaction, pleasure, instant carnal gratification, and, if utilized responsibly, a good implementation of effort and reward, if one does not have in mind to reach the final goal of complete desolation of sexuality within oneself. As hard a task it may seem, I really think it is a possibility. Perhaps not amongst all men, but some surely possess such a spirit.

the drive for longevity, stability and security should be sacrificed in favor for exploration, experimentation, expansion of sensorial experience, adventure and fulfillment of Fiery Will to the extent that it will not corrupt the body and bring it to its irrevocable demise, namely Death (if that is not what the individual wishes for, then, by all means, go ahead).                       

The drive to defend and maintain ones ''community'' should not be applied as a tool programmed in human behaviour for the sake of evolutionary survival for the species, but rather in a much more personal and emotionally and intellectually dignified manner. The individual should by all means take care of its kin but not to care about the maintenance of the species as a whole, or even the whole society - for this in itself is an expression of an evolutionary will of survival; a philosophically, spiritually, intellectually worthless call to evolutionary progress. What one should do is to think very carefully and make up his mind as to what in this world he loves and what in this world he hates. From there on, he can establish principles of love, respect, contempt, indifference and hate and apply them to his life. The individual chooses what things or which people he would like to incorporate in his personal 'emotional sphere'; he will then take care of these people, he will strive to defend them and help them cultivate and progress in terms of individuation. Or perhaps he decides just to put himself in his emotional sphere; that is fine - i do not care. The point is that the subconscious effort to save the world and every living form on it should be strangled. I do not think that one can save the world or the species in its entirety. The burdenous yoke of entropy - the cause and effect of deterioration - will destroy us under our own weight, and drag us down to Scylla's might; to the gluttonous maws of the depths, Charybdis unbound... all the humanitarian workers, warriors of freedom, peace, rights, equality; aspiring progenitors of human worth in this nightmare-ridden world, stumbling upon the finish line, looking upward, sobbing... I would be rather impressed if someone - individually or collectively - achieve that goal and fulfill that ambition. I would have respect for such an accomplishment - not because i share this particular objective but because that individual have managed to create something truly spectacular; a nerve of gold would be stricken amongst the dirt and rocks, reaching eternally in each direction.

another libation