T H E E N D C O M M U N E

I have hated many parts of myself, of course. For the longest time, I cherished Gnosticism, and perceived it to be, so to say, “my" strain of Christianity. I adulated its insistence on the spiritual, and I still do that. I admired its inherent asceticism, still do. However, I am not as boneheadedly sure anymore. I have coerced myself to ponder: did Gnosticism initially speak to me because I was physically weak and unhealthy myself, and the Gnostic spirit-body dichotomy fanaticism allowed me to “legitimize” a furthering, a worsening of that physical ineptitude and general unhealth, weakness? ¨

I must understand that we, as human souls, can not drink, laugh and fuck our way into heaven. I can try that, I can buy that product, that lifestyle choice so many folks these days commercialize, glamorize and put on mass media shelves. Yes, I can fall for the lie and the apparent glamour of it, just like a sad person might do for heroin, but just because it gleams, it is not valuable! We are not crows – remember that. Humans. Humans. Do not chase whatever shines. We are human beings! We are, and we become. We do not float in the aether like some paranormal vapor. We highly exist in the flesh. Your fullest capacity is always anchored – and at least in some way related to – your corporality. And that is not an argument against transcendence either. I must understand that before I continue on the journey towards salvation.

I will say this: my personal "discovery" of nutrition, bodily health and my subsequent adoration of athleticism came with a newfound respect for St. Irenaeus, along with parts of the heresiology I youthfully and so stubbornly discarded as ridiculous just some half-decade ago. Now, rather, I want to develop a kind of kickboxer existentialism! A runner's faith! I echo the insistency of Irenaeus: body, body, body! It is important. We must train the body in order to be able to rule it. True devotion is managing to direct it at both faith and health. Salvation is a matter of the whole person – body and soul! I think the mysterious tribology between Man & God happens inside the human body, through the distinctly human experience of that body, along with the human soul which solicits all that.

And I will not allow myself to fully sink into either of the two; soul or body. I do not think I like this fervent dichotomization anymore! I am I. I am fullness, a circle, a pre-programmed system waiting for code. I am not either-or, not in the slightest. I am a man of flesh and I strive to become Aurelian in my stoicism; Kierkegaardian in my introspection; Nietzschean in my existentialism – and Shevchenko-esque in my discipline and athleticism! These are my ideals. And no enemy will steal that from my heart.