People are supremely scared by death, because the
concept of death evokes time, and time suggests aging. The physiological
deterioration, the psycho-spiritual deconstruction of consciousness, the
erosive grinding down of awareness and the dismantling of self-identity, the
dilapidation of cognition and of neurological function. Life is cold and rough
in existential autumn. And this “reason” which you have put on a high pedestal
throughout a whole life becomes more and more crystal-clear as almost a fraud,
or a grand exaggeration at least, as if made from air or some fragile glass:
suddenly it does not seem all that important! The realization moves about in
the shadows, stepping out of them, presenting and manifesting itself like a
trickster or like a fox, and you can see the fucking trick now, you start to
comprehend the mind-game, you see the illusion clearer by each blink of the eye;
reason only took you so far – what now? Where is the existential closure in a
life of active combat with God? You carry on and suck on those teats of
rationality, the value to end all other values: you have breathed its oxygen to stay alive
your whole life! But do you think God will redeem a life of sullen mediocrity with
the splendid gifts of Heaven?!
And I guess that is exactly why you fear death, even
though you can not yourself articulate it.
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